I began my career preparation working on the streets and playgrounds of tough inner city Detroit neighborhoods. Serving over 2500 children, adolescents, and adults per week, I was initiated into the struggles to survive and thrive of countless people from diverse cultures. While carrying babies in my arms, directing games, and trying to prevent gang violence, I learned to appreciate the value of strong life skills. In those days the daily motto was: “communicate, communicate, communicate” because if we stop talking, something bad will inevitably happen next. This motto, involving the art and later the science of communication, has stood the test of time. Communication skills may “weigh” only as much as a feather but they can yield an infinite fortune in golden opportunities in life. Being prepared to coach others means also having the experience of being coached over and over again. In my youth, I endeavored in a number of sports, experiencing coaching on both the receiving and providing ends. I can remember one coach I had who was quite severe and rarely if ever gave praise. He happened to be my Dad, and I must admit this had an adverse influence on me in my early “career.” It made me more timid and afraid of making a mistake until my rebellious juices kicked in during my adolescence when I began to steal a lot of bases in baseball, and steal some hearts on the social playing field as well. I consider some of my teachers and mentors my best life coaches although not formally designated in this role. From one of my teachers, I learned a great deal of respect for diversity of cultures. From another mentor, I learned the incredible power of being supportive without being directive or controlling. Whenever I would venture into his office with a critical life dilemma (I discovered years later!), he would never really give me any advice. At the end of each consultation, he would always remark, “Well, do the right thing.” He had confidence in me to do the right thing and to find answers within myself. This is a key ingredient in coaching i.e. not needing to get credit for solving others problems or creating their solutions but helping them realize and access their own strength, power, and courage. Finally, I learned from another mentor, the power of learning how to join people to influence them as opposed to the power of being a hardened adversary. My mentor, Milton Erickson, told this story to illustrate the power of joining. He was brought up on a farm, and one day watched, much to his delight, his father trying to lead a stubborn and frightened heifer into the barn. When he laughed out loud, his father became incensed, and challenged him, then 15 years old, to do a better job. Milton circled the poor heifer a couple of times, and then almost in one motion, he pulled the heifers tail, and it scurried into the barn. Amazingly when he pulled the calf in the direction of his stubborn opposition, the animal directed itself into the barn! After graduate school, I spent two years at the prestigious Menninger Foundation in Topeka, Kansas. This was the premier training site for psychoanalysts in the United States. I enjoyed those years immensely because of the quality of the people I encountered and the wonderful supervision that I received. It was there that I began to see how the influences of people’s environment, social support or lack of it, and personal resources limited or potentiated their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. But, I also learned that these external factors were insufficient to protect everyone from devastating illnesses, life crises, and rough passages through normal milestones. After leaving Menninger’s, I spent the next 15 years running schools within hospitals. Working with children and families, I was able to “cut the roof off the houses” and peek into the lives of families struggling to grow and prosper. I saw how our factory model of education left too many children on the outs looking in or trying to avoid and escape. And, I saw the pain and frustration of parents and families with insufficient resources to counter the negative and discouraging influences. We developed some creative programs that were designed to tap into each child’s natural mode of expression. Interestingly, for a few years, with my own children, I was unable to walk through the halls of their schools without becoming upset and angry. It seemed as if the only displays were artwork, something not every child found to be inclined to use for expression. So we actually tested children to see if art, music, drama, movement, or writing were more natural means of expressing themselves. Surprise, surprise, children were quite variable, and this didn’t always relate to pre-supposed skill levels. As a life coach, you need to understand this basic premise as well- expression is like finding the river you can canoe on – every river is different and each person may have a different pace with which they identify and feel comfortable. During my own career, I was placed in leadership positions in each and every job I held. I even took some coursework in administration in a graduate school of Public Health in order to ward off the dreaded “Peter Principle” of being raised to your level of incompetence. In all my 28 years of leadership positions, I studied many approaches, and found the whole world of learning to “lead through change” fascinating if not daunting. Eventually, after trying many theories and cultish prescriptions on for size, I decided I could bank on only one principle, half of which you may recall from my earlier indoctrination: “Do the right thing in the right way at the right time.” Of course, you are probably already asking yourself, “But, how do you know what are the right things, the right ways and the right times?” The answers are often inside of you but just as often, blocked from your view or access. This is what coaching is often about; removing the cataracts from your inner vision. In the last couple of years, I worked heavily with people exposed to various kinds of traumatic events either current or past. I have been impressed by how many people have suffered trauma, often unspoken, silent killers of individual potential and family unity. On the other hand, I have been equally impressed by the resilience of individuals to endure, persist, overcome, reach beyond, create out of pain, and to climb their personal mountains while feeling thankful for each day of their journey. I hope this meandering of shared history and learnings will be more helpful to you than a standard resume of my jobs and accomplishments. At the very least, you may now be acquainted with some of my philosophies that I try to insert into practical territories of every day life. So, if you are so inclined and need a little assistance on your personal journey, contact me and we can determine together if life coaching is for you. I have provided a brief summary of my resume for those of you concerned with my background and credentials. Return to Top Our Commitment Real progress always occurs over time and usually proceeds according to an individual pace relative to goals established. Sometimes the goals are not clear from the start and the initial coaching focuses on clarifying a direction and a pathway on which to undertake the journey. Therefore, it is important to have a mutual commitment for at least 3 to 6 months to start. This is often a life altering process that must be absorbed, worked on, and celebrated along the way. You and I will need the following resources: An investment of our time in a flexible manner For you the willingness to leave your comfort zone, and for me the correct proportion of empathy and life skill focus to assist you For you an investment of financial resources but also intellectual, emotional, and even spiritual resources, and for me the ability and positive energy to facilitate your access to all that is within you Flexibility is the key to a coaching partnership Life coaching, by its nature, must accommodate to your needs, time constraints and goals. Otherwise, coaching can become a pressure or stress itself. We can schedule appointments of different lengths, and we can schedule them by telephone or in person as feasible. If scheduling time is too inconvenient, we can use emailing as a major source of communication.